1. |
A New Muse
05:17
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Dear Lord,
Let me be anything but bored or in love
I’ve been comfortably cursed
Almost blessed to sleep
But now I want to know what I don’t know and what she sleeps in
I need a new muse
If she sings for me I’ll sing for you
Dear Lord,
Let me be anything but a boy or in love
It’s a double-edged word
Both sides will cut you clean
I too often forget if I’m in or out of it
I bleed the most
I turn my blood into poetry
That’s why I need to know what she sounds like when she sings
My neck hurts from holding my head up straight for so long
My feet hurt from standing in one place for so long
Dear Lord,
Let me be anything but loved or in love
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2. |
Dead For Days
05:29
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This is where the cop said his head hit
He’d been dead for days, eighteen hours away
I didn’t see him but Tim did
That part hadn’t changed since we were kids
Now I’ve got friends that don’t know me
A wife that’s disowned me
You in concept only to miss
And I’ve been sober for over two weeks
The only thing I learned from that man is I’d rather be estranged than next of kin
This is where my rock bottom is
It’s a short fall from grace from such a tiny stage
I can’t believe the lies that my mouth spit
I can’t believe she stayed as long as she did
I’m so over being sober
My needs are in me, not the drink
I’m riding a fine line
An accidental overdose or suicide
Tell my mom she was right along
and tell my kids this is where my head hit
This is what a life in flux looks like
I ain’t got a bed to rest my head
This is how I hide from a guilt that won’t subside
I ain’t got a good reason for leaving
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3. |
On With The Show
04:10
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This is the role I was born to fake
A crucified villain, middle-aged
I memorized my lines and taught myself to cry
So on with the show
I’ve got a reputation of fucking up to uphold
Whatever reservations I had before I have no more
This is a cold for which I could not brave
To the bone
To the heart
To be taken to my grave
I foolishly thought you’d thaw eventually
On with the show
I’ve got a reputation of fucking up to uphold
Is it my imagination or have we been here before?
I recognize those hopeless eyes and tired lines
Every spike on the floor reminds me of where I should be
This is the role I was born to fake
It’s not a choice I made
So on with the show
I’ve got a reputation of fucking up to uphold
Whatever reservations I had before are out the door
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4. |
The Contours
05:58
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Lies and vanity
My worsts got the best of me
It appears that I’ve lost everything
Red wine and tangled teeth
I’m having a hard time putting words on things
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over the contours of a shyness that never sleeps
Or the pain that took them from me
I’m in therapy and she’s in therapy
Turns out all the answers are just questions for next week’s sessions
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over the contours of a shyness that never sleeps
Or the pain that brought you back to me
Do you mind if I stare?
Or if I put my hands here?
Can I call you mine for one more night?
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5. |
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I can’t have my cake and fuck it too
Ok, I won’t make another goddamn joke
(I know - how rude...)
Objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear
Except for you, my dear
I should’ve known...
I can’t confess and hold my breath at the same time
And I won’t feel human until I feel you again
Objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear
Except for you, my dear
I should’ve known…
You don’t have to stay
You don’t have to confide in me
I already wrote your diary
Objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear
But to who, my dear?
I should’ve known…
I should’ve known…
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6. |
Mom And Dead
05:31
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It was just an ordinary kiss before the avalanche hit
It’s those little things I miss
The unadorned habits formed
Fifteen years of insignificants
Mom and dead
Never together forever
An overseas tragedy
I don’t know who I am without you and her and him
Wake up
I had a dream you died
(I can’t)
Wake up
You didn’t say goodbye
Mom and dead
Never together forever
An overseas tragedy
How long can we exist in between what we say and what we mean?
How can you live without me?
Who’ll pour your drinks?
Who’ll make your heart beat?
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7. |
Headphoned
04:29
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I already read this room
I know how it ends
It’s safe to assume that I’m not impressed
Headphoned
All alone
No roads lead to Rome
I’m playing hide and seek
Nobody knows but me
Man, I was doing nothing long before you were even bored
I’m still doing nothing but I’m doing it better than I did before
I’m still playing hide and seek
Nobody knows that I’m just a bunch of pillows
under your sheets
A lover you can’t keep
Here’s to new sights and new tastes
New lines on my face
Headphoned
All alone
No roads lead to Rome
I keep playing hide and seek
Nobody knows you’re the only one that’s ever even come close to finding me
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8. |
Wanting And Willing
04:22
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You said you like my voice
but you say that to all the boys
(and I mean all of ‘em)
Put your mouth where your mouth is
Your boyfriend can watch us
I don’t see a ring but wanting and willing are different things
There’s a bar about an hour outside the city
The bartender can’t see me
I can’t get small enough and I can’t find the fucking door
I’m feeling sorry for myself so you don’t have to
I’m feeling nothing like myself since I met you
I know it’s been a bad year for us both
I’m not sure if I’m funny or a joke
but I’m begging you to bet on this losing horse
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9. |
I Go, Ego
05:58
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Wherever I go, you go
I shake
I hide
I cum
I write
with you on my mind and white bikes in my headlights
Wherever I go, ego
I’m ashamed of what you know / afraid of what you don’t
But it’s you on my mind and white bikes in my headlights
Cheers to the bottle
The dried blood on the floor
To those that cast shadows and those that don’t
To lovers unexplored
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Owen Chicago, Illinois
Mike Kinsella. From Chicago, IL.
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